Subterranean Homeschool Blues
I haven't updated because I'm overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed by the pressures of homeschooling, parenting a lovely but moody 13 year old girl and an active and demanding toddler, cooking meals, cleaning/trying to keep the house from crumbling to the ground, stressing about the custody case I am about to file, worrying about where we will be living in a couple of weeks, and trying to figure out a way to eke out a living and support my family.
Factor in the loneliness and isolation of living in a town where we know no one and don't particularly want to be, the longing to go back to Portland, the nearly total lack of support... Well, it's all just a little much.
I have gone to great lengths to get my life the way it is. (Well, the way it was, before we had to move.) The homeschooling, the staying at home with the kids - these are things I believe in so strongly, and I'm so happy that this is how we're living our lives. I wouldn't have it any other way. In fact, I'm incredibly proud of myself for managing to pull it off. I don't regret any of it for a moment. It's the other stuff that's the problem.
I wish I could take away just one element of difficulty. Like, say, not having to worry about where we'll be living, or being financially secure, or not having to go through a custody battle. But I can't. For the moment, that's just how things are.
Being a single, homeschooling SAHM is incredibly satisfying and I wouldn't have it any other way (except, possibly, for the "single" part), but when you throw all those other problems into the mix, well, it can be a lot to deal with.
I'm feeling the pressure.
I have a headache and I want to cry.
Overwhelmed by the pressures of homeschooling, parenting a lovely but moody 13 year old girl and an active and demanding toddler, cooking meals, cleaning/trying to keep the house from crumbling to the ground, stressing about the custody case I am about to file, worrying about where we will be living in a couple of weeks, and trying to figure out a way to eke out a living and support my family.
Factor in the loneliness and isolation of living in a town where we know no one and don't particularly want to be, the longing to go back to Portland, the nearly total lack of support... Well, it's all just a little much.
I have gone to great lengths to get my life the way it is. (Well, the way it was, before we had to move.) The homeschooling, the staying at home with the kids - these are things I believe in so strongly, and I'm so happy that this is how we're living our lives. I wouldn't have it any other way. In fact, I'm incredibly proud of myself for managing to pull it off. I don't regret any of it for a moment. It's the other stuff that's the problem.
I wish I could take away just one element of difficulty. Like, say, not having to worry about where we'll be living, or being financially secure, or not having to go through a custody battle. But I can't. For the moment, that's just how things are.
Being a single, homeschooling SAHM is incredibly satisfying and I wouldn't have it any other way (except, possibly, for the "single" part), but when you throw all those other problems into the mix, well, it can be a lot to deal with.
I'm feeling the pressure.
I have a headache and I want to cry.
posted by Gina at 12:14 PM
1 Comments:
*hugs* I know things are hard. If you end up in my neck of the woods I'll bet we'll be the BESTEST friends EVER!!
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